Time

 Sitting here on a chilly Memorial Day holiday, I am thinking about time.  It surprised me to realize I have only been back from Michigan for two weeks.  It seems like I’ve been back and living here alone for a very long time.  That observation made me reflect on what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been doing it.  The church work has grown very big in my mind.  I think I am giving it too much time and attention.  I feel like I’m pushing too hard.  When I reflect back to my time before Easter, I was in the flow and I didn’t have to push.  Case in point:  the Lenten art book I did.  I took on the discipline of doing a piece of artwork every day.  I pulled out a big blank book and began to draw.  I don’t know how I did it, but each day I’d make a drawing and write a few lines about where I was spiritually that day.  Every day I drew and the kicker was that the book had exactly the right number of pages for the days of Lent and Easter week.  The book is now circulating through the congregation, I do well to even know who has it.  And as I think about that freedom and creativity, I recognize what a gift that was.  Coupled with my pressure from church, I have been having a hard time with the volunteering I do at the Botanical Garden.  I’ve been very crabby.  One day, I was even accused of whining.  Something isn’t right because it used to be my happy place.  Now it feels like work I don’t want to do.  At my advanced age, I don’t have time or space for pressure any more.  The church work will end July 2.  After that, I’ll see how I feel about the Garden work.  I want the ease and freedom I had earlier.  It left me when I became exhausted after Easter.  I want it back.