Day of Giving Thanks

Bob and I went for a nice long walk in the warm and windy Thanksgiving afternoon.  We peeked through fences and gazed up to balconies to see socially distant gatherings along our way.  Delicious aromas wafted and floated out kitchen windows on the breezes teasing us with visions of mouthwatering food.  Along our way, I love to photograph the things of beauty I see.  Bob noticed a large sculpture of a human figure on Cragmont.  As we looked it it,  I wondered what the posture was meant to convey.  Bob said it is a gesture I used to use when I prayed in church services during my years as a minister.  Was the statue being grateful?

Thanksgiving is primarily a feast day to be together with family and friends.  But because of the pandemic, it’s just the two of us this year.  I decided to cook a nice traditional turkey dinner with all my favorite trimmings—-onion quiche, homemade cranberry sauce, whipped potatoes, sweet potatoes with lots of butter and brown sugar and of course pumpkin pie with lots of whipped cream.  I pulled out all the stops and set the table with my lace table cloth, my best dishes and silver set complimented a big bouquet of zinnias, marigolds and lavender from the garden.  I even put candles on the table.  This year we remembered Thanksgivings past with so many dinners with my brother Richard and his wife, with Bob’s brother Paul, with my sister, with our dear friends the Knop’s and so many more.  It was an exercise in memory of times past.   It was impossible to remember each of the 54 Thanksgivings we’ve had together.  I called my Israeli sister-in-law and she told me in Israel they celebrate Thanksgiving as the Day of Giving Thanks.  We reminisced about Thanksgivings we spent together over the years.  There were many happy times together.  We had a zoom call with all our sons and their families.  Zooming isn’t the same as being together but it surely is an improvement over the telephone.  When there was a lull in the conversation, Sonja played “Winter Wonderland”, her latest song,  on the piano to cheer and speed things along.  Afterwards we toasted each other with a glass of California Sauvignon Blanc and then I put the dinner together.  As we ate, I thought again about what it means to be thankful, to be really grateful.  I wondered what I’m grateful for this year?  I’ve been trying to practice being grateful for absolutely everything and everyone, but I’m not there yet.  I do know that being grateful is good for you.  It’s a habit I’d like to bring into each day.  All in all, our Thanksgiving day was very good indeed.  And for that I’m very thankful.  

Waiting

 We’re into the 9th month of the pandemic restrictions and I’m overcome with the constant waiting.  Waiting for something to happen or maybe just waiting for all this to be over.  Waiting in hiding so as to avoid catching the Covid virus.  Here in the Bay Area, we are strictly following the scientists’ guidelines of social distancing and mask wearing.  Thursday night,  Arne came over for dinner on his way home from Oakland and for the first time, he followed the guidelines completely:  wearing a mask all the while he was inside and when he ate, he went out into a little glassed in porch off our dining room, closed the door except for the smallest crack (so we could talk) and opened the big door to the outside for maximum air flow.  The pandemic is surging everywhere.  For the last week in this country, there have been 180,000 to 199,000 new cases each day with deaths approaching 2000 each day.  And the curve is rising exponentially!  And politically trump still maintains he won the election and is still filing lawsuits and now coercing legislators to go against the voters’ will.  So far nothing has worked.  His followers still believe whatever he says.  He seems bent on destroying our democracy and our country.  And we wait to see what will happen.  I struggle to keep out dire violent images from my imagination.  We don’t know what will happen. This is truly an historic time to be living in.  A time like never before.  The country is divided into two totally different realities.  How can this all end?  I don’t want my life to pass me by without noticing what is happening in it.  The days are pleasant mostly.  Arne brought me some positive books to read, including Obama’s first volume about his presidency so I read.  We will continue to take walks.  I seek out beauty along the way.  We get great pleasure from calls with our kids and friends and siblings.  And as the days pass by, we wait to see what will happen.  

The First Rain of the Season

 This afternoon in Berkeley, it rained, the first rain since last April.  The dusty forest finally got rinsed off from the dust of six months with no rain and all the smoke from the many fires in California.  The dry dry plants got a little drink, a hint of what is to come, hopefully.  What does one do when it rains, I wondered.  Strangely, I seem to have forgotten.  It was cold, blustery and wet, I didn’t want to go outside.  So I settled down on the sofa under the thickest afghan, worked a puzzle or two and read my new book club book-Caste.  I listened to the rain on the window and got very sleepy.  I took a nap for an hour.  Refreshed, I got up and made chocolate chip-ginger cookies.  A good way to spend a rainy afternoon.

Alex Trebek Died.

 The answer is in the form of a question.  The clue: “The tallest building in the world.”  The answer:  “What is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai.”  Jeopardy, the trivia game show, is seen in millions of households every night around dinner time.  I loved Jeopardy.  I loved to see if I knew the answer.  When there was a category I knew,  like Biology, Marine Biology or the Bible, I had a better chance.  I marveled at the outrageous facts some people knew and the speed at which they answered the clue.  The values the game held up are values I hold:  civility, nerdiness, respect, kindness to everyone.  The host, Alex Trebek, set the tone for 37 years.  Bob said with a bit of implied criticism, “the show is always exactly the same.”  The same introduction, the same words said, the same order.  That’s what gave me comfort.  I could always send count on Jeopardy to calm me down no matter what had happened in my life or in the world.  In turbulent times, watching Jeopardy provided needed constancy and comfort.  Even the little jingle in the final question is an ear-worm when I call it to mind.  About a year and a half ago, Alex Trebek announced on the show that he had Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  It was a death sentence to be sure and yet as I watched the show, he seemed to go on and on, never looking sick or stressed.  He never missed a show in all his years.  He was a private man, showing us only the set pieces of himself on the show.  What I saw, I valued and appreciated and so did millions of Americans.  His death was announced on the front page of the NYTimes on Monday with a long article telling of his life.  I’m sad and I know so are millions of other Americans.  

Trump Refuses to Concede

As the joy and elation of last weekend’s call of Joe Biden’s win fades, I feel like I am watching a slow motion train-wreck.  Trump is refusing to concede the election.  His constant calling of the election as fraudulent and illegal with voting irregularities all over the country has convinced 70% of the Republicans that the election results are not valid.  They believe trump has won.  The NYTimes today had on its front page quotes from all the Secretary of States from the states saying there was nothing illegal in their elections.  Biden is ignoring mostly trump’s shenanigans, but I fear they bode badly for our democracy.  Calling an election illegal is something dictators do to keep in power.  We are watching the destruction of our democracy by trump, something the Russians have wanted for years but couldn’t do.  Now trump is doing that for them.  I fear my and President-elect Biden’s hopes of healing of the divided electorate are pie in the sky wishfulness.  My old father used to say “I’ve made up my mind, don’t confuse me with facts.”  That is what I fear is the situation with trumpers, no facts are going to convince them of something different than what trump says.  Where do we go from here?  What if trump refuses to concede even by Inauguration Day in January?  Will we have two governments or a Civil War?  

Biden Wins!

 Bob and I were eating chocolate croissants for breakfast this morning when Bob’s cell phone rang.  It was his brother, a lifelong Republican, giddy with happiness who called to tell us that Biden had just been called the winner of the Presidential race by the AP and the major networks.  It’s a moment neither of us will ever forget.  It’s historic not just for Biden, but also for Kamala Harris—the first woman, the first African-American woman, the first Asian American to be elected as Vice-President.  I felt happy for my granddaughters and all the girls in American that the glass ceiling has been broken.  I remembered it was the primary voters of South Carolina, many black, that gave Biden his first clear victory that set him on a successful path to the nomination.  Without them, he would not be where he is today.  I heard him acknowledge that in his acceptance speech tonight.  I feel great joy, a sense of immense relief that there will be a reasonable person in the White House and a sobering sense of how much there is for them to do.  This is a time of opportunity to relish the joy, to imagine all that can be, to live into the hope of possibilities before all the troubles begin to muddle the vision as the work begins.  Bob said “Now there will be a science advisor again and Dr. Fauci can be head of the pandemic task force.”  We received an email from our long time French friends with a photo of them raising their glasses in celebration of Biden’s victory.  The news of this win has sped around the whole world!  People all over the world are dancing in the streets!

But there is so much work to be done.  The words of Howard Thurman’s poem “The Work of Christmas” came into my mind.  Using his poem as a model:  Now the election is over, the big work will begin: to control the Covid pandemic;  to heal the nation’s divisions;  to feed the hungry children;  to address climate change;  to address the systemic racism so that all might be free;  to fix our economy for the benefit of everyone, to give everyone a chance in this life.  

From the position of this win it is easier to feel gracious towards trump and his 70 million supporters.  I feel less hate in my heart now.  I am so relieved that someone with integrity and honesty will be in the White House.  Truth and honesty will once again be important.  Yet as I think about all the trumpers, I don’t think they are going to be very open to healing Joe Biden offers.  For years they have been believing the lies that trump and Fox News have spun.  Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity have told them what to believe for years.  Their reality is totally different than mine.  We are so deeply divided.  During next days and weeks, I fear trump is going to be ugly, spewing lies about the election, filing lawsuits to undermine the election.  I hope his supporters don’t get violent in the streets.  The most important thing is that the American people have spoken.  They have spoken for Biden, for decency and civility, for calm and order, for truth and honesty.  This is a moment to relish!!!

The Day After

 A front page New York Times article caught my attention this morning.  It reads: “From the start of his 2020 campaign, Joseph R. Biden Jr. insisted that President Trump was an aberration, his norm-breaking, race-baiting tenure anathema to the national character.  ‘It’s not who we are,’ Mr Biden often said, ‘not what America is.’ At the end of the 2020 campaign, an anxious, quarrelsome country is turning a question back to him.  Are you sure?”

This morning I find myself in a state of hyperawareness about the election.

  I stare at leaves and flowers thinking, “well, at least you’re still here.”  It is reminiscent of how I felt after 9-11 when I struggled for perspective.  Today I am struggling to reassure myself the world is still here and some things are still in order. While we wait for results, we went on a walk.  Everything seemed unusually vivid.  A squirrel hustling over the street on wires, a confident tight rope runner, caught my eye.  The many bird calls seemed extra loud.  Nature seemed to be reaching out to calm me.   I am in shock that so many of my fellow Americans think so very differently than I do, that so many could vote for trump.  Oh, the election for president hasn’t yet been decided.  It depends upon the mail-in ballots, not yet counted, in a handful of states.  But my sober realization that my country has become a different place than the one I have known and loved all my life. I look at the red/blue map on my IPad and wonder if we were to drive across the country to Michigan how I would look at people in the red states.  I was not paying attention to those horrible tv shows where people insulted and beat up each other like the Apprentice or where they showed no mercy like on Survivor.   I just don’t understand how, knowing what trump is like, they could vote for him.  Biden and trump, both old white men, are symbols of different views of the patriarchy.  Biden is compassionate, full of integrity. He’s not perfect, but nobody is.  trump on the other hand is an arrogant lying cheat, a mean bully who cannot tolerate anyone with differing views.  What is to become of our country?  If Biden wins, how will he ever bring the healing he says he will.  Is our democracy so deeply divided, it can’t be fixed?  We wait.  

Election Day 2020

 Today is Election Day.  It’s an historic election the whole world is watching.  Biden versus Trump; a moderate Democrat versus Trump; good versus evil.  There is no doubt we are a deeply divided nation with both sides saying it’s a battle for the soul of America.  I’m nervous, skitters on this the day of reckoning.  I am going to keep moving during this day.  I remember so very clearly the Election Night Party at the Berkeley church in 2016.  The new minister gathered her flock together for a party to watch the election results.  I dressed in white, lots of the women were dressed in white,  to honor the suffragettes and in good hope that a woman (Hillary Clinton) would win the election.  The polls had it as a tight race predicting a Hillary win.  But as the night wore on, it became clear Trump was eeking out a victory.  I still feel the trauma and deep disappointment of that night.  This year there is no election party, at that church rather the sanctuary is open for praying.  We all are very very nervous about this election.  As my sport trainer said “Four years ago, I feared what Trump might do, this time I know what he will do if he is elected.”  

This year there has been extensive early voting.  Nearly 100 million people have already voted.  I’ve never seen an election that garnered so much interest.  I’ve never felt so strongly against any candidate.  The thing is I HATE trump.  He has wormed his way into everyone’s mind, mine included.  He stands against everything I value.  I don’t like to hate anyone.  I don’t say this lightly.   In some way, it means he has won and in my hating, I am the loser.  There has been lots of press telling about the ways he is cheating to win this election: voter suppression,  stacking the courts in his loyal conservative judges; openly encouraging violence if he loses, his use of White House as a campaign stage; his use of his political appointees in service of his campaign and I’m sure there is lots more we just don’t know about.

Seeing pictures of ordinary people standing in long long lines to vote encourages me.  I have a tiny piece of hope that democracy will survive and win out in this election.  I have a tiny piece of hope that no matter the outcome, the interest of citizens in working for our democracy will not fade but flourish.  I have a tiny piece of hope that the open wounds of systemic racism will finally be addressed and healing will begin.  I have a tiny piece of hope that we as a country will work to create jobs and help people escape the pit of poverty.  I have a tiny piece of hope that the robber barons will be controlled and selfishness will give way to generosity and work for the common good.

  I have a tiny piece of hope that the American people will rise up and say NO to trump.