The city of Berkeley and Alameda County where Berkeley is located plus 5 other Bay Area counties announced lockdowns —stay at home orders—-starting Sunday morning at midnight. It is the strictest possible restriction for us. We are to stay home only going out to buy groceries or get exercise only with someone from our own household. Grocery stores will be allowed to be open but only at 20% capacity. It’s scheduled to last at least until January 4. All this in the weeks before Christmas. What will it do for the struggling businesses? I wonder if the Botanical Garden will be able to stay open, zoos and museums are to be closed and they seem pretty similar. Last Friday the propagation area seemed almost to be like the old times. All the propagators were there. There was lot of chatter and someone even brought in cookies to share. In my area, we worked really hard and were very productive. We were even able to go into the Garden to gather some cuttings to propagate. Now I wonder if we’ll be shut down for the month.
As I sit here this morning, I’m trying to pay attention to how I feel about all this. I’m not happy. Someone asked me how I was on Friday and I told her I’m up and down. My state feels like grieving. I clearly remember the panic buying in Safeway, the day before the first lockdown started last March. Everyone with their shopping carts totally overflowing, crushed into the unbelievably long checkout lines. I don’t want to be a part of that so I’m resisting the urge of going to the market to “stock up.” Good thing I’ve got a big stock of toilet paper laid in. The virus is really moving closer. While nobody I know has gotten the disease, everyone I know has stories of knowing someone who has been exposed or gotten the disease. There was someone on Arne’s floor at BART that came in with a positive test sending everyone home the next day. I’m sad and a little bit mad because it means things are about as dire as they can get. Has all of our care and restriction over the last nine months been for naught? To be sure, it appears that vaccines will become available later in the month and that is good news. But I’m already seeing signs of people vying to get an earlier slot in the lineup to get the vaccine. Should elementary school teachers be up there with ICU nurses? Should prisoners be ahead of the elderly? Is risk or importance to society the more important factor to decide?
I’m trying to decide how I want to spend my time now. Now it seem there will be much empty unscheduled time for me in the weeks ahead. No more masked walks with friends. No more masked and social distancing propagating at the Garden. No more socially distant outside little mosaic parties. No more socially distant music events. No more haircuts. No more visits from Arne or the kids, even for Christmas. In the loud silence of the future imagined, memories will be especially sustaining. How can I keep the edge of sadness off them? Most of all, I want to appreciate the blessings in my life.
Looking for beauty on walks inspires me. Listening to music always buoys me up. Talking to friends and family will become more important. Maybe now is the time, I will organize the family papers and finally start writing my family history. There’s always the spinning wheel. It feels like I’m at the edge of an ocean and a big wave is coming. What interesting and historic times we are living in!
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