Day 21 - Week 4, Masks

It was a cold rainy weekend.  I measured 2.1 inches of rain.  Good for the plants, but not so much for my mood.  I felt low and sad, “taxing myself with forethought of grief” as Wendell Berry so beautifully said in a favorite poem of mine —“The Peace of Wild Things.”  I think three weeks of isolation has everyone feeling stressed and worn out.  Not knowing how long this will go on is definitely taxing my composure.  I read 8 or 10 more weeks of sheltering in place,  but no one knows.  The experts are making this up as we all go along.  Yesterday I did find some things which lifted my spirits:  exercising, going on a short walk and reminding myself to take one day at a time, that tomorrow is another day.  This morning the house is filled with the fragrant smells of cumin, garlic and chili powder from the big pot of black beans I’m cooking.

Friday, the Berkeley Health Officer sent a text to all Berkeley residents urging us to wear masks whenever we are outside in addition to social distancing and incessant hand washing.  I have a mask phobia.  The thought of wearing a mask on our walks oppresses me. Nevertheless on Sunday afternoon when Bob and I went out for our walk, to support the collective effort to prevent the spread of the virus, we did put on our cloth masks.  My first observation was that fewer than 10% of the people we passed had on masks.  Second, I noticed wearing the mask, I felt very separated from everyone.  I did not look at anyone or meet anyone’s eyes.  I could have been a thousand miles away.  For me, wearing a face mask is social distancing in the extreme.  It might be good for disease prevention but it is bad for my spirit and emotional state.  I suppose I’ll just have to get used to it.   Reports tell us, we, old people, will likely be wearing masks for a long time.  Maybe I’ll try a balaclava or a bandana, then I’ll feel more like a kid pretending to be a bandit.  There’s not any restrictions left to impose on us.  We wait searching the newspaper and internet for statistics from our county.  We wait and with horror see the rapidly increasing numbers of cases and deaths around the country, around the world.  We wait and hope this nightmare will be over soon.